Believe in Me

I’ve been trying to think: if there was one thing I could tell parents of individuals on the spectrum, what would it be? If there was one thing I could tell the people in my life?

 

Believe in me, that’s what it would be. Believe that I am doing my absolute best. Believe that I want to do what I am supposed to do, that I am trying harder than you can begin to imagine to do just that.

 

As Ross Greene and Stuart Ablon say in their book Treating Explosive Kids, “Children Do Well If They Can.” I wholeheartedly agree, and add that people do well if they can.

 

So, please, believe in me. Put aside any ideas that you have about manipulation, selfishness, wanting my own way, and believe that I want to please you. That what I really, really want is to do the right thing. Despite what you might have read about autism. Despite how I may come across to you. Despite that you may not get what you want from me, I am trying to give it to you. I am trying to give it to the world.

 

Believe that I care about others. Deeply. Even if I can’t express it, even if I look away and it seems as if I don’t care at all. Even if I can no longer speak to you. Believe that it hurts me when I miss the mark. Believe that I want to be understood and am so very wounded when I’m not.

 

Believe in me. And if you have one more thing to give me, please give me your respect, too.

Comments

[Debora]

Oh Sara, I believe in you, I respect you and I love you. You have been kind enough to help us and our son in more ways than you know, and it means so very much to us. You are quite a treasure.

d.

[Sara Sanders Gardner]

Yes, grieving (or not grieving) the death of a loved one seems to be a very different experience for many of us on the spectrum. Not sure if thats linked to empathy, or just our logical way of handling our emotions, or what. And I agree that its quite interesting what people will assume they know about another person within moments or even hours of meeting them.

 

Thanks for commenting!

 

Sara

[Matthew Smith]

I've had it assumed (and told to my face) so often that I don't care for anyone but myself, and it's a common stereotype. I was once talking to Vanessa Feltz, a London radio presenter, about special schooling and my experiences of it, and revealed that my school problems were partly a result of Asperger's. She said that I was unusually concerned, for someone with Asperger's, about other people's feelings.

I mean, this woman does not know me - I've called her show once or twice and she's read a few of my emails out. But I was never unable to empathise with other people per se; I was less able to consider how what I said or did impacted on others. And yes, showing and even expressing emotion is a huge problem. This was a particular problem when we had a death in the family in 2007 and I seemed to be the only one who wasn't obviously grieving.

[ellen]

Great post Sara! Happy Holidays!